IEP Says, “Mother’s Lack of Trust for School Staff Causes Daughter’s Lack of Progress”

Print Friendly, PDF & Email

My daughter’s IEP states:

Mother’s lack of trust for school and staff continues to hinder her daughter’s ability to make progress socially and emotionally.

Can they write this about me in the IEP?  How do I get it off?

This is a new one! The IEP is not supposed to be personal.

You certainly don’t have to sign the IEP (unless it is the initial consent for services).

But you may sign it, then make a statement that you do not agree with the statement in the IEP.

If the school allows personal statements, I bet you have a choice few that could be added.  I wonder if the school would appreciate your comments?

That said, you do need to “pick your battles.” Do not allow your concern over these inappropriate comments to stop the IEP process or services. Focus your energy on getting a program that will meet your child’s needs.

  • Is your daughter making progress socially and emotionally?
  • Does she have social/emotional needs?
  • Does the IEP address these needs?
  • Are there appropriate social/emotional goals in her IEP?
  • Is there data to indicate progress/no progress?

Your frustration about the school’s comment is understandable.  Take a deep breath. Do a quick attitude check.  If school personnel view you negatively, they are likely to believe that you are the source of most of your daughter’s problems … and they can’t help her. You need to change their perceptions.

Your ultimate goal is to help your child. To accomplish this goal, you need to  protect the parent-school relationship.

Write on the IEP that you do not agree with this statement, and ask the team to remove it. Follow up with a police business-like letter to the team (no emotions, nothing about how you “feel”) to correct the record.  Your letter should describe your concerns about your child’s education. Reiterate your request that the team remove the statement about from the IEP. Your letter will become part of your child’s educational record.

  1. Collaboration is the key as the focus is on the child not the parents. I agree with Wright’s law–work earnestly with the school district. I have worked with the most adverserial parents one can imagine. You will not gain any friends that way. My advice to such parents– take a deep breath and collaborate. The school district staff is not the enemy.

    • Neither are the parents!!! Why is it always on the parent to make nice? Maybe there is a REASON she doesn’t trust them.

  2. Genia,
    I don’t know if you have already done this, but you need to request a multifactored evaluation in writing from your district. Send it to your principal or Spec. Ed. Director. Provide them copies of any evaluations, letters, recommendations, etc. that you have regarding your child’s conditions. Since you are already scheduled to meet on the 17th, it is possible you can sign the consent form then. Try to learn as much as you can about your son’s conditions so that you can explain them to the school and how this affects his education. I wish you and your son the best!

  3. The school won’t even put my son on an IEP . He had a stroke at birth , He also has sensory processing disorder , a fine motor and visual motor delay . He also have an articulation disorder . I provided the school with all his recommendations from his occupational therapy , behavioral Psychologist , speech therapist . They didn’t want to place him on an IEP , They wanted to try to accommodate him first , Which they never did . All they did was sit him in the hallway or placed him in detention . We have a meeting on Monday 10/17 with his teacher the school psychologist the principal and a title 1 reading teacher . This is the first meeting and I’m not to sure what to do . I need some advice

  4. I would request Prior Written notice and ask how they came to this conclusion.

    Prior Written Notice will allow the school district to document the scientific testing and data collection that allowed them to link any learning deficits to parenting.

    Blaming the parents is a practice that is commonly used. This school district was less subtle in their packaging.

  5. Hi everyone I am the mother of a child with visual disabilities. I live in West Virginia. I feel as though I am being harrassed because of my very vocal disapprovement in son’s edu… I am at the end of my rope and I need some legal help. I’m ready to fight for my son but unsure of exactly where to begin. If anyone out there knows of someone including but not limited to a great lawyer, all info would be so appreciated. or if anyone just needs to vent I’ve been there too!

  6. I have never seen such a comment before. Like some of the posts you do have rights, know the system. you can write a straight forward letter explaining the goal and how is the school going to address this goal?. Schools can not throw it bac kto the parents. parents need to be an active responsible memeber of the team. Everyone needs to remember the student here.

  7. I can relate to your pain. I have one court decisions and a 2nd admin decision indicating that “parent’s litigious” style hindered the School District from providing a FAPE. I would think the same theory of law would apply to Districts that claim that “parent’s distrust” causes lack of progress. If an IEP does not provide progress to meet the goals and the District does not amend to fix the problem (be it disgruntle parents or the program), that’s not a FAPE. Districts, not parent’s are responsible for providing a FAPE. Sounds like the District needs someone to blame (you) for your child’s lack of progress. This is happening in epidemic proportions across the country.

    You could ask for a FERPA hearing re:accuracy of ed record.

  8. There is good information in this writing. Hold your head up high, have a great smile, be determined and just go for it. I do not think you will lose.

  9. Wow is all I can say… I recall a workshop from a special education attorney I attended in which he reviewed recent case precedents and said, you know the district lost the case when you immediately think that what the school did was just wrong or stupid when you first hear it. Those “DUH” moments…

  10. I know what you mean, Susan B.! My school district deliberately tries to provoke us too. Recently they called me at home at 7:00 PM to cancel an IEP mtg for the next AM. Our lawyer comes from out of town and by 7:00 PM there is no one in the office to let him know. They told me they never cancel mtgs, and they could not give me a reason for this because it was “private”. I took a couple of deep breaths as I informed the Spec. Ed Dir. that I understood and hoped everything was okay, and to let us know if we could help! I found out the next day that they had been planning to have the meeting on a different date for over a week, and they wanted to wait until the last possible believable minute in which to cancel just to “stick it to us.” How childish! If only they worked this hard to provide services! What a wonderful world it would be!

  11. Do not allow the school to provoke a reaction out of you! Several years ago, when I began advocating for my kids, the principal of their school went around telling other parents that I was mentally unstable & would sit in IEP meetings rolling her eyes when I spoke, feet propped up on the table, laptop in her lap, no telling what she was telling the district personnel when they became involved, boy was I HOT! Once I figured out what her game was, (provoke me into a reaction in order to damage my credibility), I knew what to do, I began bringing food to the meetings, sending thank you notes to anyone on the team who did anything remotely nice for me and my kids & minding my manners! What did the “gate keepers” (district) see? They saw a nice mom, who was trying her best to work with the school & eventually sided with me!

  12. Oh goodness, if you saw some of the odd, out-of-context statements in my son’s IEP your hair would curl. Including the one where she wrote that I ‘adamantly refused” to sign the IEP at the meeting on DD/MM/YY, however she failed to include the statement that the actual IEP was not written until nearly 6 weeks later. How can I refuse to sign a document that does not exist? And that is one of the minor issues.

  13. I sometimes think that school staff write stuff like this to anger parents and distract them from the more important issues. My thinking would be to ask if they have any evidence to back this up, listen politely and, if there is none, ask that they remove it since it is not really relevant. Then move on since whatever they say at this point will be their line in the sand.

    I would also run through the IEP carefully and see what it is that they are trying to distract you from noticing.

    Last thought is if they say that it is a problem then ask “How can the IEP team address it?” I’d just ask the question very, very, politely, no sarcasm whatever, then stop talking, and see what happens.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


Please help us defeat spam. Thank you. *