{"id":19213,"date":"2016-12-15T09:00:20","date_gmt":"2016-12-15T13:00:20","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.wrightslaw.com\/blog\/?p=19213"},"modified":"2016-12-16T11:39:06","modified_gmt":"2016-12-16T15:39:06","slug":"the-stakes-are-high-learn-the-art-of-iep-diplomacy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.wrightslaw.com\/blog\/the-stakes-are-high-learn-the-art-of-iep-diplomacy\/","title":{"rendered":"The Stakes are High! Learn the Art of IEP Diplomacy"},"content":{"rendered":"<div style=\"padding-bottom:20px; padding-top:10px;\" class=\"hupso-share-buttons\"><!-- Hupso Share Buttons - https:\/\/www.hupso.com\/share\/ --><a class=\"hupso_pop\" href=\"https:\/\/www.hupso.com\/share\/\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/static.hupso.com\/share\/buttons\/gallery\/share-button-gray.png\" style=\"border:0px\" alt=\"Share\" \/><\/a><script type=\"text\/javascript\">var hupso_services=new Array(\"Twitter\",\"Facebook\",\"Google Plus\",\"Pinterest\",\"Linkedin\",\"StumbleUpon\",\"Digg\",\"Reddit\",\"Bebo\",\"Delicious\");var hupso_icon_type = \"labels\";var hupso_background=\"#FFFFFF\";var hupso_border=\"#FFFFFF\";var hupso_image_folder_url = \"\";var hupso_twitter_via=\"wrightslaw\";var hupso_url=\"\";var hupso_title=\"The%20Stakes%20are%20High%21%20Learn%20the%20Art%20of%20IEP%20Diplomacy\";<\/script><script type=\"text\/javascript\" src=\"https:\/\/static.hupso.com\/share\/js\/share.js\"><\/script><!-- Hupso Share Buttons --><\/div><p>During IEP season the stakes are high. \u00a0Parents and teachers alike go into those meetings full of emotions and ideas. \u00a0Sometimes I am surprised that what is unsaid seems just as loud as what is actually said.<\/p>\n<p>In the past, I\u2019ve made the mistake of going into an IEP angry. \u00a0I did not get the best results for my son at that meeting. \u00a0So I\u2019ve been trying different tactics over the years, and I\u2019ve made a conscious effort to learn the art of diplomacy in my words and actions.<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter\" style=\"border: 0px solid #000000;\" src=\"https:\/\/www.wrightslaw.com\/bks\/aaiep\/meeting.silhouette.png\" width=\"484\" height=\"332\" \/><\/p>\n<p>Diplomacy is the art of prioritizing alliances over battles. \u00a0It has cost me considerable time and effort to learn. \u00a0I\u2019ve had to walk away from many battles to focus on higher priorities.<\/p>\n<p>Sometimes I practice my fake smile. \u00a0But I have allies who are always looking for ways to bring out the best in my son.\u00a0 I\u2019ve been able to encourage my son\u2019s team to try creative strategies and build upon his strengths. \u00a0For the quality of education that my son now receives, it has been well worth the effort. \u00a0These are the guidelines for diplomacy that I\u2019ve followed through the years.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ask questions that require data collection<\/strong><br \/>\nI often hear other parents complain that they can\u2019t get certain services, even after making a request. \u00a0But services cannot be provided unless there is data demonstrating eligibility for those services. \u00a0So I learned how to phrase questions in a way that required my son\u2019s team to collect data. \u00a0For example:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><em>What is the process to determine if my child is eligible for extended school year (ESY)? \u00a0I would like for us to complete this process before June.<\/em><\/li>\n<li><em>How many times per hour does my child need to be redirected due to lack of attention?<\/em><\/li>\n<li><em>I\u2019ve observed that my child cannot tie shoelaces, had difficulty picking up pennies and sometimes forgets how to do the tripod grip on his pencil. \u00a0What have you observed about my child\u2019s fine motor skills at school?<\/em><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Other data points that get quick results are letters or prescriptions from physicians. \u00a0For example, some school districts will not turn on the air conditioning on a school bus unless it is written into the IEP \u2013 not even for long bus trips on days over 100 degrees Fahrenheit. But it won\u2019t be written into the IEP unless there is a prescription from a physician for an air-conditioned environment.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Play by the rules<\/strong><br \/>\nSometimes collected data is not enough to get the ball rolling. \u00a0Special education teams are required by state and federal law, as well as local policy, to follow specific guidelines and provide certain information to parents \u2013 the rules can be overwhelming at times. \u00a0In some cases, written or unwritten local policy may even contradict federal law.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s when it becomes necessary to pursue due process and mediation. \u00a0If that fails, then a lawsuit is the next level. \u00a0Being aware of rights and responsibilities on both sides of the table can help make the process move more smoothly. \u00a0Pete and Pam Wright explain how to handle delicate situations on their website, <a href=\"http:\/\/wrightslaw.com\/\"><span style=\"color: #000080;\">wrightslaw.com<\/span><\/a>, with topics such as <a href=\"https:\/\/www.wrightslaw.com\/info\/advo.hostile.env.htm\"><span style=\"color: #000080;\">\u201cHow to Deal with a Hostile Environment at School\u201d<\/span><\/a> and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.wrightslaw.com\/advoc\/articles\/strategy.disagree.htm\"><span style=\"color: #000080;\">\u201cHow to Disagree with the IEP Team Without Starting World War III.\u201d<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n<p><strong>Be a professional parent<\/strong><br \/>\nI know a few families who either threatened or hinted at a lawsuit as a negotiating tool, with no intention of following through on the threat. \u00a0Empty threats are a surefire method to lose allies on the school team. \u00a0Other surefire methods are repeatedly contacting a team member with the same question, sending frequent long, emotional emails, and making personal comments about team members.<\/p>\n<p>Being a professional parent means coordinating information and strategy from the medical team, school team, therapy team, community\/recreational team and of course the home team. \u00a0It also means being civil even under duress, providing appropriate information to support the student\u2019s goals and preparing the student to be ready to learn.<\/p>\n<p>At every school meeting, I make it a point to tell the team one thing that I have been doing with my son at home that complements his goals at school \u2013 for example, learning chores, finishing homework before dinner so that he can have a reward activity after dinner, or scheduling in quiet time with an audiobook that he listens to while reading the print version of the same book. \u00a0By explaining what I am doing at my end, I earn the respect and support of my son\u2019s many teams.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Find a positive way to make constructive criticism<\/strong><br \/>\nNegative language or conversational style usually gets a negative response, even if the proposed ideas are reasonable. \u00a0I\u2019ve had to take a deep breath, count to 50, and come up with a way to state my complaints so that they will be received well. \u00a0This means that I put my professional relationships ahead of my personal feelings.<\/p>\n<p>I recently attended a PTA meeting where a student-produced video about public speaking behaviors was shown. \u00a0The video started off well, but quickly degenerated into mocking inappropriate speaking behaviors in a way that resembled autistic behaviors. \u00a0I was uncomfortable with the video, but I also saw an opening to request something I hadn\u2019t ever requested before: drama instruction for my son.<\/p>\n<p>I contacted the drama teacher and congratulated him on his students\u2019 video production skills. \u00a0I asked if he had ever considered creating an inclusive performance environment for students with and without disabilities. \u00a0I offered to help with script-writing and applications for mini-grants. \u00a0I did not use any negative language in my note. \u00a0I received an enthusiastic response, and it\u2019s starting to look like my son will audition for the drama club in September.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Choose battles carefully<\/strong><br \/>\nA few years ago I attended an administrative meeting in which the new food allergy policy was unveiled. \u00a0The new policy was disappointing, however, the district superintendent made it clear that it was not going to change. \u00a0Every parent at that meeting was furious. After the meeting, some parents wrote letters to the superintendent and board trustees asking them to change the policy, some complained at their neighborhood schools, but the policy still hasn\u2019t changed. \u00a0I know a dead horse when I see it.<\/p>\n<p>Having read the entire food allergy policy, I started volunteering to help organize school events to minimize the health risk to my younger son, who has food allergies. \u00a0I researched food brands for the costume party and the first grade pancake breakfast. \u00a0I wiped down tables in the library after the staff potluck. \u00a0Since I could not win the battle at the policy level, I chose instead to raise awareness at a local level.<\/p>\n<p>Recently I identified a different battle that was winnable. \u00a0My older son needed his peer-to-peer support group to be more involved with him during lunch and recess. \u00a0The school policy and my son\u2019s IEP already included the peer-to-peer group as part of his team, but it just wasn\u2019t working the way it should have. \u00a0I requested and received permission to speak with the peers, and I took half an hour to discuss the best ways to interact with my son. \u00a0The peers were hungry for information, and now my son has the support he needs during his most vulnerable part of the school day.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Document concerns<\/strong><br \/>\nOnce a year, about two weeks before the IEP, I document all of my questions and concerns and send a copy to the whole team. \u00a0When a concern comes up during the school year, I immediately write to the staff member most closely involved. \u00a0Again, I try to phrase my concern in a positive, constructive manner with potential solutions embedded in the message. \u00a0For example:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><em>I noticed that Louie is confused about his school schedule and often loses papers. \u00a0Can you help color-coordinate his schedule with his folders for each subject? \u00a0Can he keep a copy of his schedule inside his locker door?<\/em><\/li>\n<li><em>Louie says that he would like to learn how to play basketball, but he does not know how to approach classmates at recess. \u00a0Is this something that his peer-to-peer support team can help with?<\/em><\/li>\n<li><em>Louie is struggling with comprehension in social studies. \u00a0How are his assignments being modified for him?<\/em><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>Be helpful, be visible<\/strong><br \/>\nEvery teacher in the building seemed to notice when I volunteered to help the art teacher with displays around the school. Whenever I was busy stapling projects to bulletin boards in the hallway, I would have mini-conferences with the speech therapist, social worker, music teacher and other staff members who worked with my son. \u00a0It was well worth my time. \u00a0Volunteer jobs may be weekly, monthly or yearly, and can fit into almost anyone\u2019s schedule. \u00a0Being a visible parent reminds the school staff of the role of the home team, even if you only make eye contact for 10 seconds at drop-off or pick-up.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Say thank you<\/strong><br \/>\nEven if you choke on it.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">**********************<\/p>\n<p><strong>Guest post by Karen Wang.<\/strong> When the stakes are high, Karen knows how to play by the rules and pick her battles. She is a Friendship Circle parent and contributing author to the anthology &#8220;<a href=\"http:\/\/www.amazon.com\/dp\/1604861096?tag=friecircspecn-20\"><span style=\"color: #000080;\">My Baby Rides the Short Bus<\/span><\/a>: The Unabashedly Human Experience of Raising Kids With Disabilities.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>Reprinted with permission from <a href=\"http:\/\/www.friendshipcircle.org\/blog\/2014\/06\/18\/the-art-of-iep-diplomacy\/\"><span style=\"color: #000080;\">Friendship Circle Blog: The Art of IEP Diplomacy<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.friendshipcircle.org\/blog\/2014\/06\/18\/the-art-of-iep-diplomacy\/\"><span style=\"color: #000080;\">http:\/\/www.friendshipcircle.org\/blog\/2014\/06\/18\/the-art-of-iep-diplomacy\/<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>During IEP season the stakes are high. \u00a0Parents and teachers alike go into those meetings full of emotions and ideas. \u00a0Sometimes I am surprised that what is unsaid seems just <a class=\"more-link\" href=\"https:\/\/www.wrightslaw.com\/blog\/the-stakes-are-high-learn-the-art-of-iep-diplomacy\/\">Continue Reading \u2192<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[3,18,136],"tags":[792,1299,1431],"class_list":["post-19213","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-advocacy","category-ieps","category-strategies","tag-effective-advocacy-strategies","tag-ieps","tag-karen-wang"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.wrightslaw.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19213","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.wrightslaw.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.wrightslaw.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.wrightslaw.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.wrightslaw.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=19213"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/www.wrightslaw.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19213\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":19899,"href":"https:\/\/www.wrightslaw.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19213\/revisions\/19899"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.wrightslaw.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=19213"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.wrightslaw.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=19213"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.wrightslaw.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=19213"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}