Wrightslaw l No Child Left Behind l IDEA 2004 l Fetaweb l Yellow Pages for Kids l Harbor House Law Press

 Home > Ask the Advocate  > 10 Tips for Schools on Avoiding Confrontation with Parents by Pat Howey


The Special Ed Advocate
It's Unique ... and Free!

Enter your email address below:

 

2015 Training Programs

Jan 16 - School District, LA

Jan 24 - Corpus Christi, TX

Jan 24 - Pensacola, FL

Jan 31 - Champaign, IL

Feb 19 - Lincroft, NJ

Feb 24 - Knoxville, TN

Feb 26 - Memphis, TN

Full Schedule

Be a Hero ...

 Jason at Ft. Benning
... to a Hero
Learn more

Wrightslaw

Home
Topics from A-Z
Free Newsletter
Seminars & Training
Consultations
Yellow Pages for Kids
Press Room
FAQs
Sitemap

Books & Training

Wrightslaw Books & DVDs
Wrightslaw Storesecure store lock
  Advocate's Store
  Student Bookstore
  Exam Copies
Training Center
Bulk Discounts
New! Military Discounts
Mail & Fax Orders

Advocacy Library

Articles
Doing Your Homework
Ask the Advocate
FAQs
Newsletter Archives
Summer School Series
Success Stories
Tips

Law Library

Articles
Caselaw
IDEA 2004
No Child Left Behind
McKinney-Vento Homeless
FERPA
Section 504
Fed Court Complaints

Topics

Advocacy
ADD/ADHD
Allergy/Anaphylaxis
Assistive Technology
Autism Spectrum
Behavior & Discipline
Bullying
College/Continuing Ed
Damages
Discrimination
Due Process
Early Intervention (Part C)
Eligibility
ESY
Evaluations
FAPE
Flyers
Future Planning
Harassment
High-Stakes Tests
Homeless Children
IDEA 2004
Identification & Child Find
IEPs
ISEA
Juvenile Justice
Law School & Clinics
Letters & Paper Trails
LRE/Inclusion
Mediation
Military / DOD
No Child Left Behind
NCLB Directories
NCLB Law & Regs
Parental Protections
PE and Adapted PE
Privacy & Records
Procedural Safeguards
Progress Monitoring
Reading
Related Services
Research Based Instruction
Response to Intervention (RTI)
Restraints/Abuse
Retention
Retaliation
School Report Cards
Section 504
Self-Advocacy
Teachers & Principals
Transition
Twice Exceptional (2e)
VA Special Education

Resources & Directories

Advocate's Bookstore
Advocacy Resources
Directories
  Disability Groups
  International
  State DOEs
  State PTIs
Free Flyers
Free Pubs
Free Newsletters
Legal & Advocacy
Glossaries
   Legal Terms
   Assessment Terms
Best School Websites

 

10 Tips for Schools on Avoiding Confrontation with Parents
by Pat Howey, Advocate

Print this page

successful meeting 1.Treat the parents with kindness and courtesy.

People who are treated with courtesy and kindness are less likely to become angry. If they do become angry, they are more likely to focus their anger away from you if you treat them nicely. Parents are much more likely to file due process hearings or complaints if they are treated badly.

2. Make parents feel like they are an important part of the IEP Team.

See that parents have all of the same information as other Team members. Send them copies of all reports and documents a week before the meeting. Parents who feel disenfranchised are more likely to get angry. When their opinions and views are ignored, they will be angry with you.

3. If you make a mistake, admit it.

Parents understand that we are all human. If a staff member drops the ball, acknowledge it and work toward doing better. It is difficult to get angry with someone who admits a mistake and is truly contrite.

4. Don't let the paperwork overwhelm the meeting.

Given a choice, many parents would prefer that schools do the right thing for their child than to do everything right. Don’t get so bogged down in the paperwork that you cannot focus on the child’s needs and IEP.

5. Do not engage in "blame the parent; blame the child" tactics.

Some children are difficult to educate. If you have this problem, remember that it is not always the fault of the parent or of the child. Parents understand that schools have limited resources. They also understand that not all school are able to educate all children in their home schools and in the least restrictive environment. Let parents help you explore all of the resources that are available from your State Department of Education when trying to educate a difficult-to-place child.

6. Do not surprise parents. 

Give a draft copy of an IEP to parents ahead of time. No one likes surprises. You will notice that your meetings are more efficient and effective.

7. Ask the parents to provide information about their child before the IEP Meeting.

Include this information in your draft IEP. You do not have to agree with everything the parent says. But if the parent thinks the information is important, you must value the parent’s beliefs. After all, most parents know the child the best. After all, they were their child’s first teacher.

8. Give parents a copy of evaluation reports before the meeting.

Parents often need time to digest this assessment information. They also need time to think about questions they may want to ask. This is particularly true of initial evaluations when parents are often still trying to deal with the idea that their child has a disability.

9. Don’t adopt the “floodgate” mentality.

Administrators sometimes fear that providing a new or unique service will “open up the floodgates.” They think they will have to provide the same services to all the other children with IEPs. Remember the “I” in IEP stands for “Individualized.” That means not all children need every service. Children are like snowflakes; no two are alike. Providing a service to one child will not open the floodgates to other children unless they have the same unique need as the first child.

10. Remember that every child has strengths.

Often, IEP Teams talk mainly about a child’s weaknesses. This discourages parents, especially when their child struggles with a significant disability. It also demeans and devalues the child. Try opening up IEP Meetings with a discussion about the child’s strengths. This tends to inspire members of the IEP Team and gives parents encouragement and hope.

More Tips

10 Tips for Good Advocates

10 Tips for a Successful School Year

10 Tips for Ending the School Year

10 Tips for Parents: How to Listen to Your Inner Voice

10 Tips: How to Use IDEA 2004 to Improve Your Child's Special Education

14 Tips for Reviewing Your Child's Educational Record

18 Tips on Filing Complaints

IEP Tips: Taping Meetings

IEP Tips: What to Do at an IEP Meeting

 More Advocacy Resources

Wrightslaw: From Emotions to Advocacy has a companion website at Fetaweb.com.

Getting Started

Part 1 of the book is Getting Started. Go to Getting Started for articles about the basic skills of parent advocacy.

Advocating for Your Child - Getting Started. Good special education services are intensive and expensive. Resources are limited. If you have a child with special needs, you may wind up battling the school district for the services your child needs. To prevail, you need information, skills, and tools.

Assertiveness and Effective Parent Advocacy. Short article by parent and advocate Marie Sherrett describes joys and challenges of parent advocacy.

Planning and Preparation: Keys to Successful Advocacy. Learn why planning and preparation are important; learn about the parent's role as special education project manager.

Advocacy 101

The second section of Wrightslaw: From Emotions to Advocacy is Advocacy 101.

In Advocacy 101, you learn about gatekeepers, special education teams, and one-size-fits-all (OSFA) programs. When you learn the rules of the game, you will be a more effective advocate and negotiator for your child. (Wrightslaw: From Emotions to Advocacy, page 21). Here are a few articles from Advocacy 101:

Learning the Rules of the Game - Learn why parents and schools have different perspectives, what to do when disagreements turn into power struggles, how to use your power wisely, the dangers of making threats, how to deal with IEP meeting frustrations, and more.

From Emotions to Advocacy: The Parent's Journey. Classic article about dealing with your child's disability and how to manage your emotions.

Special Education Advocacy

You will find dozens of useful articles about special education advocacy on the Wrightslaw site - click here.

9 Ways to Boost Your Child's Attitude Before the Bus Arrives - What can you do before your children leave for school to help them feel that they can conquer anything? These no-nonsense pointers from Jackie Igafo-Te'o will help you eliminate a large portion of last-minute stress that comes with every weekday morning.

Parent Advocacy: What You Should Do - and Not Do. Good advice from attorney Leslie Margolis about steps parents can take to get quality educational services for their children with disabilities.

When Parents & Schools Disagree. Educational consultant Ruth Heitin describes common disagreements between parents and schools and offers suggestions about how to handle these disagreements.

Meet Pat Howey

Pat HoweyPat Howey has a B.A. in Paralegal Studies from Saint Mary-of-the-Woods College where she graduated with honors. She is an active member of the Council of Parent Attorneys and Advocates (COPAA) and other organizations. In 2004, the Learning Disabilities Association of Indiana honored Pat with its Outstanding Service Award for her commitment and compassion towards students with disabilities.

Pat Howey writes articles and answers questions in Ask the Advocate.

As a member of the Wrightslaw Speakers Bureau, Pat Howey provides training for parents, educators, and others who want to ensure that children receive quality special education services.
Learn more about Pat.

Wrightslaw programs are designed to meet the needs of parents, educators, health care providers, advocates, and attorneys who represent children with disabilities.

"Changing the World -- One Child at at Time."

Contact Information
Pat Howey
Special Education Consulting
POB 117
West Point, Indiana 47992-0117
Website: patriciahowey.com
Email: specialedconsulting@gmail.com


Revised: 03/22/12

To Top

What's New!

Now Shipping!

Wrightslaw: All About Tests and Assessments
About the Book

Check it out!

Wrightslaw Store

The Advocate's Store

Get Help!

Blog the Wrightslaw

Wrightslaw on Facebook

Find us on Facebook

Wrightslaw Books

Student Discounts

Military Discounts


Wrightslaw: All About IEPs

About the Book
To Order

Wrightslaw: Special Education Law, 2nd Edition, by Pam and Pete Wright
About the Book
To Order


About the Book

To Order


Surviving Due Process: Stephen Jeffers v. School Board

About the DVD Video
To Order


To Order


Wrightslaw: No Child Left Behind

About the Book
To Order

Wrightslaw Multimedia Training


Understanding Your Child's
Test Scores (1.5 hrs)

Understanding Your Child's Test Scores

Learn More
To Order
Retail Price: $
24.95
Wrightslaw Special: $14.95

Special Education Law & Advocacy Training
(6.5 hrs)


Wrightslaw WebEx Special Education Law & Training Program (6.5 hrs)


Learn More
To Order
Retail Price: $99.95
Wrightslaw Special: $49.95